Anita Answer offers online advice on all sorts of topics. Anita has loads of life experience, years of working with youth, and well qualified friends and experts to draw from to get you anwers to your problems.

Got a question? Ask Anita Answer!

Write Anita!

Read some advice Anita has given others below . . .

Needing someone to talk to

Dear Anita:

I recently just told my mother I was gay. She took it not so well , due to her religious background. I can understand her point of view and I see exactly where she is coming from, but at the same time I want someone that I could talk to openly and honestly. Someone that would just accept what I have to offer.

In all honesty, I thought finding another gay guy my age would help me open up and be honest. However, the majority of gay guys I have watched from afar seem to be nothing at all that I would be interested in. It really has made me contemplate if all gay guys tend to act the same way, seeing as how I have only seen gay guys who do not attract me in the least bit.

I just want to know if I am alone in this and is it possible to find someone out of the norm?

Newly out and wondering . . .

Anita Answers:

Dear newly out and wondering,

Congratulations on your bravery in coming out to your mother, it can be a scary experience for you and your family, but it sounds like you are understanding that it is a process for everyone.

With regard to finding people like you, well, the reality is that the gay community is like every community, it has lots of different types of people. And, the only way to find your way is by exploring and getting to know as many people as you can that are safe and positive people for you.

So my suggestion is find out if your school has a GSA, attend a few of our events and activities here at ROSMY, and see what the community has to offer for you. And, if you have questions, just ask Anita, one of our great volunteers, the folks on our support line and the great other people you will meet here at ROSMY.

Good luck, be safe and have fun!

Anita

Is he gay?

Dear Anita:

Well I was wondering what I should do. I think this guy likes me but I'm not sure. The problem is I don't know his sexual orientation so I can't really ask him because if I'm wrong I don't want to change his perception of me and make him feel uncomfortable. But I really like him and I really want to know his motives for the way he acts around me.

So is there any advice you can give me???

Wondering . . .

Anita answers:

Dear Wondering:

Alot depends on how close a friend he is already. If he's a good friend, then you should be able to talk about your feelings about gay people in general without trying to ask anthing about him. If he seems receptive to gay people you could then ask him if he's ever thought about it for himself. If he's truly your friend then this shouldn't be offensive to him.

If you are asking him only for the purpose of wanting to date him (and if he's gay you probably won't stay friends), then you may want to take some time to get to know him better just as a person. The closer your relationship as a friend becomes the easier it should be come for you to talk openly about his sexual orientation and allow him to be open with you.

The real question is why you don't want to change his perception of you?. If he's a real friend and you come out to him, he should be able to handle it. If he doesn't like gay people then your friendship is based on him having a false impression of you. Is that what you really want?

Really, when you think about it, straight guys go through this every day too. Does she like me? Will she go out with me? So even if you come out to him and he's cool with it, you won't know whether he's gay or whether he wants to go out with you unless you take a big risk and ask.

I'd start by talking with him about gay people in general. His attitudes will tell you alot. This is a situation with no easy answers. Whatever happens, just know that you'll be fine.

Love,

Anita

How do I keep my girlfriend?

Dear Anita:

I am a bisexual female. I have been hanging out with a beautiful female that I am madly in-love with. When I noticed her she was with a male, then we started dating. He got locked up and he will be getting out soon. I'm scared because I think she might go back to him what do I do?

Don't Want to Lose Her

Anita answers:

Dear Don't Want to Lose Her:

Sadly, there's nothing you can do but ask her what she thinks she's gonna do, and be prepared for her answer. If she was only with you because he was incarcerated and she was lonely, then you need to know that so you can begin getting over her and moving on.

If she's with you because she loves you, then you should know that so you can relax and stop worrying.

And if she doesn't know because she loves both of you, then give her time and space to figure it out. Trying to hang on to someone never works -- the more you try to hold on the more they try to get away. So give her support and kindness, tell her you love her, and then step back a little so she doesn't feel pressured.

Try to be the person she will want to be with, not the person trying to make her stay.

Love,

Anita

If you're here to find out more about ROSMY, click here and see everything ROSMY has to offer you.